The Harley Quinn Romances
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: In case of Super-Amnesia...


I don't own these characters or profit from them.

However I did publish a book called "Harlequin: A Fool's World Novel" which is available from Amazon (no relation to Harley Quinn and I did not even buy or read the comics until after I published the book. Any similarities are pure coincidence.) I published a chapter on incase you want a small preview.

The Harley Quinn Romances

By, Clayton Overstreet

"Dear Diary,

"Once again Harley and I defeated Darkseid and sent him crying back to Apocalypse like the big baby he is. Seriously, destroying the universe because he doesn't like it? I mean let's face it, he's conquered whole worlds and turned each one into a flaming fire pit of yuck that nobody enjoys. If he had one world that he made over into his image that didn't have people on or near it that wanted to destroy him for the atrocities he's committed it would be one thing, but seriously to date that granite faced jerk has proven only that he sucks at creating even one world let alone all of them And despite his claims of godhood… which admittedly are kind of justified on a one on one basis… ouch, I'm still nursing a few bruises and cuts and burns from his eye laser things… the guy isn't omniscient or anything. It's not like he could monitor a whole universe… why can't her just be happy with the one planet he can see and call it a day?

"Oh well. After he used his boob-tube (as Harley insists on calling it even though we've begged her to stop because the women from Apocalypse are always stacked or wearing tight clothes… yep on top of everything else Darkseid is a total perv and can't claim otherwise because he doesn't allow his followers to make any decisions) Harley and I went home and slipped into a nice hot bubble bath together…" Big Tony looked up from the hand written journal in his hands, flipping it over so the Superman logo on the front with a PG instead of the S showed on the white background. "Jeeze Nutbuckets, you've been scrawling in these things fer weeks and this is what you came up with? A bunch of superhero fan fiction? You going to publish this stuff?"

Harley looked up from a dark blue journal with a bat on the front. "Actually it's part of a brilliant plan of mine."

"Oh, this should be good."

From nearby Harley heard her burnt beaver shout, "Run for it Tony!"

"Quiet you," she shouted at both of them. "Just shut up and listen. You remember how for a while Power Girl got amnesia and I was her sidekick for a while?"

Tony smile dreamily. "Oh yeah." Then he sobered up. "As I recall it cost you two thousand dollars in fines, a new passport, and plane tickets plus a round of immunization shots when she dumped you on the Eiffel Tower after she got her memory back."

Harley rubber her arm. "Yeah…" She smiled a bit. "Anyway it got me thinking. The amnesia thing happens a lot. Superman seems to get mind wiped, brainwashed, or otherwise brain blocked all the time. Darkseid has had him leading parades. Not just him either. Superheroes. Villains. They get amnesia more often than they die and come back and that's saying something."

"You got a point there," Tony said thoughtfully. "But what does that have you do with you writing fan fiction?"

"I'm writing diaries," Harley said. "Not for any of the big guys like Superman or Batman, but Batgirl, Supergirl, Batwoman, Stargirl… maybe Wonder Woman if I get really lucky… you know the ones who work alone and might not have anyone who would come looking right away. I'm going to stockpile them and next time I run into one of them with amnesia I'll be able to establish our deep and trusting relationship…"

"As you trick them."

"Hey, I would never lie like that… again," Harley said. Then she grinned. "However if they happen to wake up and find the diaries nearby with the key on their person, read them, and make assumptions…"

Tony frowned. "You know that could backfire horribly right? Power Girl may have scruples about killing people. You mentioned Wonder Woman? She was raised on an island of warrior women for three thousand years. I don't know about her history, but I read the stories of Hercules and other myths. Her mama and the other Amazons have no problem killing people."

Harley held up the book she was currently writing with Wonder Woman's symbol on the cover. "So um… you think she'd mind the story I'm working on now where we're in Jamaica with Ivy and we've run out of suntan oil? I got a little graphic… but I figure there's a good chance she actually knew Sappho so…"

Tony went over and peered at the page. His eyes bugged out and his cheeks turn red. "Either she would love this… or rip your heart out. Plus who knows what Superman would do to you if you did that with his lady?"

Harley grinned. "You think that's naughty? I did one for batgirl where she and I get Zatanna to help take Supergirl's indestructible virginity with her magic… it kind of crosses over with Wonder Woman's at that point…"

He backed away. "Don't tell me any more. I don't want to have Wonder Woman use that lasso of hers to be able to tell her any more about this. I'm short enough without having my head cut off."

"You'd be lucky if that's the part she cut off first," Bernie commented.

Harley sniffed. "I've met her. We had drinks in Britain. Maybe more… I'm not sure. I kind of blacked out. Anything could have happened…"

"That's another thing," Tony said. "Incase you don't remember, you get hit in the head a lot too. I know that you've explained that shot ivy gave you protects you from poison, lactic acid build up, and ups your healing factor, but you ain't Superman. Do you have a diary of your own incase you get amnesia?"

"Nah!" Harley said, waving the idea off. "I figure I'll just take what I get if I get amnesia. Good guys or bad guys brainwashing me. It's all good."

"Unless you find one of these diaries you've written," Tony said. "I'd bet good money that you'd find one of them and think it's about you. Then everyone gets ta watch you running around thinking you're Wonder Woman or Star Sapphire (huh… Sappho… Sapphire… never noticed that before) and the real one will get pissed thinking you're making fun of them and come by to vaporize you while you're still figuring out why you can't punch through concrete or something."

"We should so send that idea to Bruce Timm!"

"Harley…"

She sighed. "So you're saying this is a bad idea."

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

Harley slumped. "I guess you're right. I still think it sounds fun."

"Harley you think WMDs sound fun. And speaking of which, imagine if Power Girl found out about this little plan of yours. How do you feel about walking back from South Africa?"

Harley nodded. "You're right. Thanks for talking me down Big Tony."

"Any time for my favorite crazy landlady." He turned and waved over his shoulder. "See ya later."

"Yeah, see ya." Harley sighed and looked around at the stacked diaries. "Well there goes a lot of wasted time…" She paused and grinned. "Then again I can always go with his other idea and post them as fan fiction…" She picked up the pen again and went back to writing. "'Gee Ivy, you're sure this sap Harley is rubbing into my bare skin will work as sunscreen,' Wonder Woman said. 'My breasts are very pale because they've barely seen sun in three thousand years under that nearly see-through toga I wear on my home island. It's making me all sticky… oh not there Harley! You'll make me— Ah!'" Wiping the drool from her chin Harley continued writing far into the night.

Author's Note

Seriously, look me in the eyes and tell me Harley would not think to do this.


End file.
